CHRIS BENOIT, WWE WRESTLER, FOUND DEAD AT HOME WITH WIFE AND SON,

Chris Benoit

My Son was wearing his Benoit shirt when I told him of the tragedy that has happened. WWE repeatedly shouts that "Please do not do this at home", are we still going to believe this crap from the purveyor of all things violent.


By DEBBIE NEWBY, Associated Press Writer
June 26, 2007

FAYETTEVILLE, Ga. (AP) -- Pro wrestler Chris Benoit canceled a pay-per-view appearance at the "Vengeance" event in Houston because of "personal reasons" a day before he, his wife and their 7-year-old son were found dead in an apparent murder-suicide.

Details of the deaths "are going to prove a little bizarre" when released to the public, Fayette County District Attorney Scott Ballard told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Autopsies were scheduled Tuesday by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation in DeKalb County.

Authorities were investigating the deaths at a secluded Fayette County home as a murder-suicide and were not seeking any suspects.

Investigators believe Benoit, (pronounced ben-WAH) killed his wife and son over the weekend and then himself sometime Monday. The bodies were found Monday afternoon in three different rooms of the house on Green Meadow Lane, in a subdivision off a gravel road about two miles from the Whitewater Country Club.

Ballard told The Associated Press a gun was not used in any of the deaths. But he declined to say how the three died.

"We're pretty sure we know, but we want to confirm it with the crime lab," Ballard said early Tuesday.

Fayette County Coroner C.J. Mowell did not return phone calls. The answering service for his funeral home said he was out of town.

World Wrestling Entertainment said on its Web site that it asked authorities to check on Benoit and his family after being alerted by friends who received "several curious text messages sent by Benoit early Sunday morning."

Sheriff's Lt. Tommy Pope told WSB-TV that the three were found about 2:30 p.m., but he wouldn't release other details.

Stamford, Conn.-based WWE also said on its Web site it had been asked by authorities not to release further information on the deaths of Benoit, 40; his wife, Nancy, 43; and son, Daniel.

Benoit was born in Montreal. He was a former world heavyweight champion, Intercontinental champion and held several tag-team titles over his career. He was known by several names including "The Canadian Crippler."

"WWE extends its sincerest thoughts and prayers to the Benoit family's relatives and loved ones in this time of tragedy," the company said in a statement on its Web site.

Benoit had maintained a home in metro Atlanta from the time he wrestled for the defunct World Championship Wrestling.

The WWE canceled its live "Monday Night RAW" card in Corpus Christi, Texas, and USA Network aired a three-hour tribute to Benoit in place of the scheduled wrestling telecast.

Benoit's wife managed several wrestlers and went by the stage name, "Woman," The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported.

They met when her then-husband drew up a script that had them involved in a relationship as part of an ongoing story line on World Championship Wrestling, the newspaper said.

Benoit has two other children from a prior relationship.

My old job in a an upscale beach resort in Mactan Island. I miss the waters.

Have you eaten your fruit yet ?

Eye Chart to being happy

SEE WHAT I SEE

Cataracts There are over 1 million Cataract operations performed annually in the USA. Cataract surgery is an outpatient procedure with a very high success rate. Due to the lack of modern medical technology in the developing world, it is also the world's leading cause of blindness. Over 16 million people are blind from cataracts. Diabetic Retinopathy This complication of diabetes is a leading cause of blindness among middle-aged Americans. The longer a person has had diabetes the more apt they are to develop diabetic retinopathy. Laser surgery can slow the progression of this disease along with management of blood glucose levels. There are 2.4 million people blind from retinopathy worldwide. Glaucoma This disease increases the fluid pressure inside the eye, leading to loss of side vision and eventually total blindness. The increased pressure destroys the optic nerve. With early detection, it can be kept under control with pressure reducing eye drops and surgery. Chances of developing it increase with age. There are over five million people blind from glaucoma worldwide. Age-Related Macular Degeneration (AMD) This is a degenerative disease of the macula; the macula is the part of the retina responsible for central vision. There is no way yet of repairing the vision that has been lost, but if detected early laser surgery can help slow the progression of the disease. (AMD) is the leading cause of vision loss in people over age 65. Eight million people are legally blind from macular degeneration worldwide and as the population ages this number is expected to grow. Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) This rare inherited degenerative disease slowly destroys the retina. Signs of (RP) first show up in early childhood. The side vision is lost first. The disease progresses over many years leaving the person with only a small portion of their central vision. There is no cure for (RP) yet. There are 1.6 million people blind from (RP) worldwide. Left Field Homonymous Hemianopia A left (or right) homonymous hemianopia (also called hemianopsia) means that the patient cannot see anything in the entire left or right visual field in both eyes. Because both eyes are affected more or less equally, the location of the problem must be at the optic chiasm or further back along the visual pathways. Some patients may state, truthfully, that they cannot see anything in the affected visual field. But sometimes the patient may be able to fixate or look directly at or point to a visual object located in the affected visual field, even though they do not consciously "see" the object. This condition is referred to as "Blind Sight." Left Field Homonymous Hemianopia with Macular Sparing Sometimes a left homonymous hemianopia (hemianopsia) will not include the very central part of the visual field, called the macula. As a consequence, "...with macular sparing." Migraine Fortification Phenomenon Sometimes in a migraine, the patient will experience visual symptoms similar to that shown to the left. The center of the visual effect may be in the patients central vision or it may appear off to one side. First, the very central part of vision is affected with decreased vision and the shimmering appearance of lines as illustrated. As time goes by, the area of vision affected grows and when central vision may appear somewhat blurred, the shimmering lines expand outward and may engulf most of the visual field. The visual effect affects both eyes similarly. Once the visual effect diminishes, vision returns to normal and the patient may experience other symptoms of the migraine including headache, nausea, loss of balance, ringing in the ears and other body sensations. Ring or Donut Scotoma A ring or donut shaped scotoma is an area of reduced vision that forms a shape similar to a ring or donut - the patient can see fine in the center and off-center a little bit but then there is an area of reduced vision followed by another area or normal vision as depicted in the photograph. Sometimes the ring or donut will not be totally round or complete but may appear like two crescent moons facing each other. A ring scotoma is often an early sign of a serious retinal disease/degeneration such as retinitis pigmentosa or other type of rod-cone degeneration. Scotomas Caused by Pituitary Tumors (Lesions) Pituitary tumors (lesions, classic pituitary adenomas) can sometimes cause very different losses of vision in the left and right eyes. For example, as simulated in the pictures, with the left eye the patient may see clearly only on the right side while with the right eye the patient may see clearly only on the left side. If the scotomas (i.e., blind spots in vision) are large, the patient may experience unstable vision characterized by bouts of double vision (diplopia) and confusion with object localization in 3D space. Visual acuity may also be affected in one or both eyes, again sometimes very differently: Visual acuity can be 20/20 in one eye and the patient may only be able to count fingers with the other eye. Any field loss of vision warrants an immediate trip to the eye doctor; ASAP. Other types of pathology can also cause visual field losses, so just because you have a field loss does not mean that you have a pituitary tumor. Left eye view shown in top photo, right eye view on bottom.

adapted from San Antonio Low Vision Club

My USC-STAND comrade, Norman Nimer is part of this video-notebook.

Thank God, the eye is saved by a kevlar visor! And Mr. BUSH is slaughtering them by the dozen. Only in this crazy world.

m in iraq and im a u.s marine. i got hit with a s.v.b.i.e.d(suicide vehical born improvised expslosive device.) it was thirteen 155 artilery rounds and 10 to 12 morders(250 puonds of raw explosives.) i was the gunner on the lead vehical. 20 feet from the bomb . im getting to is the the goggles work they saved my left eye. thanks wiley x. i think all military should wears these goggles they work on extrem shit! here is some kick ass photos of me and you will see how they saved my eye.
ooorah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from pfc burnside

Wiley X SG1 goggles - battle tested, US Marines approved.

pictures deleted as requested by mr burnside.

---

Eye Finger

My Dormant Profession

Okay, you’ve made up your mind to be a marine biologist. Never mind the horror in the eyes of your parents, the disbelief on the faces of your “friends”, and that faintly disoriented look your cat always has when she lies on your lap and kneads your abdomen.

You know that you are not going to be a marine biologist in order to talk to dolphins or make obscene amounts of money. Rather, you realize that you are driven by a higher and purer calling. You are like some 6th Century European shepherd who sees an image of the Emperor Justinian on the rear end of a ewe and decides to carry the animal on his back to Constantinople to show the Emperor. The fact that on his way he is waylaid by Lombards, sold into slavery, and winds up as a tax preparer in northern Italy should not in any way dissuade you from your own personal crusade.

My Favorite Family

Q's & A's by Ayeza Winfrey, GB (the Great Bisdak)

Doc Tess::

here are the questions i emailed you for the Interview me; Have fun!


Wow now im in a panic hoping to come up with really good questions for you.
So here it goes:

1. What is the best thing about being an eye doctor?

Saying that doing a great service to the patient would be an understatement, im just human and i have a homo sapien ego, => just a humbled homo sapien ego.

The IT moment always happen ( with a relief on your part that you're done with the surgery), upon removing the eye bandage, the patient, will now sport a big smile, "hayaga, doktora, oi", then the mischievous-cum-shy-smile will now appear paired with a hush, "tambok di ay ka doktor, noh? di man gud maklaro sa una". And i will banter now by telling her, "tambok ko, Nang, pero sexy! pero kung imong duha na ka-mata atong ma-operahan, maka-ingon jud kag, sexy nga gwapa man di ay ni akong doktora oi."

Next follow up, act surprise when she will give you a kilo of mango, avocado or a bayong of vegetables from their little farm down deep in the mountains or she will bring you a live chicken bisaya placed inside a "buyot".

Now, tell me if it isn't that the best thing that can happen to you or to anyone.

2. How and when did you started blogging?

Im a frustrated technie, I bought my palm without even knowing how to use it, then i bought a PC, after which i bought a laptop with the other gizmos that goes with it. I even bought an adaptor for wifi, then later knowing that SMART bro doesn't need one.

When the PC arrives, my reason to my husband dearie for the broadband connection was to search for websites that could fast track our immigration plans.

But, my oh my, i stumbled upon bisayabloggers by googling bisaya. I read the posts (i didn't know it was called blogs then) and i started to click some buttons and it has brought me to thousand and one sites. I was starting to have fun with what I'm reading in the bisayabloggers. Whereas, before, my web surfing would be limited to Philippine Daily Inquirer and some Canada/USA/Australia for immigration sites, now i completely forgot about them, preferring instead to blog surf my links and to do some little blogging on the sides (im still learning about the paid blogs/survey routine, ha! the endless search for dollars, oink,oink,oink).

And now im hooked. What was i thinking? Btw, the hubby is my number one fan and my critique and he doesn't mind paying the broadband now. And yes, we let our immigration plans sit for awhile, we love the Philippines too much and we hate the chores we're forced to do with migration. I wouldn't be doctor, he wouldn't be lawyer.

All to gain nothing to lose.

And oh, still don't know how to use my palm, i gave it to my sister na lang.

3. As a first time visitor in Carcar, Cebu, what will be the best place to visit to and why?

You have to be in my house first, we will have chicharon, lechon carcar, bocarillo and pastel de leche, then we will go to the church of St. Catherine of Alexandria, passing through the statue of Leon Kilat in the Plaza, and i will tell about his very sad story of bravery and treachery among the influential Carcaranons then ( i have a post that talks about it, its here in my archives somewhere).

Then we will tour the various old spanish houses in the town and then you will learn how not to take care of your heritage by just a glance at this houses. Poor houses. But why spend on the outside when you're stomach is growling with hunger. And oh, you will also learn how not to become a poor old rich person as part of the tour.

As a requisite, you have to see the old Carcar Dispensary with the swimming pool, now decrepit, and imagine the glory days of its usefulness.

Balay na Tisa is an overrated place, but at least i can bring you somewhere where the family still cared for their heritage. And you will have blast with the higante statues of the 12 apostles in the Carcar Plaza, this was made by the late Martino Abellana, an underrated pupil of Fernando Amorsolo, who I think has been forgotten by local government of Carcar.

Lest, I be misunderstood, i love my Carcar very much. And what is now happening in Carcar is fast becoming a International phenomenon.

Change is the only thing that doesn't CHANGE.

4. "If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why"

I would like to be JOCJOC, the son of Mr. Incredible. No one is still sure on what his superpowers are, except to change into various forms, i bet he will learn his power as he grows older and he will adjust to it as he goes along.

Power is a big responsibility, how much more a SUPERPOWER, it is a bigger responsibility.

Better be like JOCJOC, his superpower can still be formed and molded according to how he is being brought up by the Incredible family.

5. Given a chance to do interview past and present prominent people, who would you choose and what will be your first question for him/her?

Marilyn Monroe.
Honey, how could you have done this thing to yourself? Are you crazy?
You're such an idiot, gurl.


______________________________________________________
so if you wanna be interviewed, here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the
questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone
else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five
questions.

Looking forward to reading your answers in your blog!
__________________________________________________
Thank you, Ayeza.

How hot are your kisses?

Your Kisses Are Medium-Hot

Your kisses are definitely sexy, but you're not about to make anyone gasp for air. You take it slow and steady... and you ramp things up when you get the right signals. Your kissing style is adaptable and adept. And people who kiss you love it!

How Hot Are Your Kisses?

What Color Girl Are You ?

You Are An Orange Girl

You live in the fast lane. You love action, risk, and competition. You're spontaneous, enthusiastic, and persuasive. But you're also easily bored - and love to rebel against structures. You resent rules ... as well as people's attempts to control you!

What Color Girl Are You?

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name ?

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Andressa Santoro

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

What kind of panties are you ?

You Are Basic Panties

You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty. You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy. Men tend to notice you show the "real you" - and they appreciate it. And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Which Character are you ?

Galadriel

Possessing a rare combination of wisdom and humility, while serenely dominating your environment you selflessly use your powers to care for others. Even the smallest person can change the course of the future. Galadriel is a character in the Middle-Earth universe. You can read more about her at the Galadriel Worshippers Army.

Berdeng Pagilok-gilok

Bisaya Engles
Ang ibang Bisaya, di ko maintindihan. Ang Ingles ng isda, pis. Ng mukha, pis. Ng payapa, pis. Pati pandikit, pis. Minsan may nagtanong sa akin kung saan ako nakatira kung sa Pis 1 daw ba o Pis 2. Piste talaga.

FLY CEBU PACIFIC: You Fly in CEBU and Land in the PACIFIC Ocean.

A Woman's Prayer

at 20- Lord, I want the best man.

at 25- Lord, I want a good man.
at 30- Lord, I want any man.
at 40- Lord, please naman!!!!

ACCOUNTING TRANSLATION II
ENGLISH = TAGALOG
DATA ENTRY = Date muna bago pasok
ADJUSTING ENTRY = Hinanap muna bago pinasok
DEBIT ENTRY = Pinasok
CREDIT ENTRY = Hinugot
WRONG ENTRY = Napasok sa puwit
ACCOUNTING ENTRY = Pagbilang ng pasok
OFFSETTING ENTRY = Pasok-Hugot-Pasok-Hugot
CLOSING ENTRY = Panghuling pasok
BALANCING ENTRY = Babae and nasa ibabaw
BALANCE SHEET = Kumot/o sapin para sa Balancing Entry
MONTH END CLOSING = Meron
LOSS = Nilabasan ang lalaki
PROFIT = Napunta sa babae
INTEREST = Nabuo
INTEREST EARNED NOT COLLECTED = Nabuo pero di pa nanganganak
TRIAL BALANCE = Sa ibabaw and babae pero di pa pinapasok
BALANCE FORWARDED = Sa ibabaw and babae pero pinasok na
CLOSING BALANCE = Sinara na ang zipper
ZERO BALANCE = Malambot na
LIQUIDATION = Gumamit ng pampadulas
BANKRUPTCY = Ayaw nang labasan
CONSOLIDATION = Sabay nilabasan

Combo Meals:
SINGIT -- SINnangaG at ITlog
PWET -- Pinakbet With Ensaladang Talong
TINGIL -- TINortang Galunggong In Lard
FININGER -- FIsh Nuggets IN GingER sauce
TITI -- TInapay at TInapa
PUKE -- PUto with Keso
PAKANTUT -- PAnsit KANton with TUTsie roll
SALSAL -- SALmon with SALabat
TSUPA -- TSUkolate at PAndesal
PAKAPLOG -- PAndesal KAPe at itLOG

Mga Miss World Contestants:
3rd runner-up Miss Russia, Yarina Gustopa,
2nd runner-up Miss Hawaii, Dedeco Laylayna.
1st runner-up Miss Japan, Susumo Sinusuko.
The winner is Miss Korea, Fukiko Mikuto.

DIFFERENT KINDS OF COCKS:
Cute - COCKatuwa
Lousy - COCKainis
Large - COCKagana
Xtra Large - COCKasuka
Small - COCKapirangot
Sobrang small - COCKaduling!!!

Mga tipo ng babae habang nakikipag-sex:
Submissive - "Bahala ka na, ipasok mo na"
Enduring - "Aray! Sige pa, kaya ko pa."
Scandalous - "P*tangina mo, sige pa!"
Unsatisfied - "Ano ba `yan? Idiin mo pa kaya, `no?"

Mag asawa nag se-sex:
LALAKI: Bakit maluwag na ito?
BABAE: Paano diyan ko minsan kinukuha yong pambayad ng koryente, tubig, matrikula at pati na sigarilyo mo!

Husband telling house rules to wife: I WILL EAT WHEN I WANT TO EAT & COME HOME WHEN I WANT TO!
Wife: OK, BUT THERE WILL BE SEX at 7 PM WITH or WITHOUT YOU

boy guwapo + girl ganda = made in heaven
boy guwapo + girl panget = true love
boy panget + girl ganda = galing diskarte
boy panget + girl panget = no choice

Bride back from honeymoon crying:
Bride: Huhuuu...
Friend: Anong nangyari sayo?
Bride: Yung sa asawa ko parang bote.
Friend: E di okay! ang sarap non! ba't ka umiiyak?
Bride: Anong masarap?! Bote ng WHITE FLOWER!!!

TOP SEX MOVIES OF 1999:
1. Shaving Ryan's Private
2. GoFinger
3. Meet Blowjob
4. I Know Who U Did Last Summer
5. D Six Sex
6. NoTinggil
7. the Generals Did Her

Q: Is this your car? A: Otomoto?
Q: Is this my car? A: Otokoto?
Q: Is this your noodles? A: Mikimoto
Q: I'll take this. A: Kukuninkoto
Q: This is my desk. A: Itodesko
Q: Speechless? A: Wasabe?
Q: I have a lot of things to do A: Hironako
Q: An ampalaya (bittermelon)? A: Kurukurubot
Q: What are your thoughts? A: Kuru-kuromo?
Q: I am thinking. A: Munimuniko
Q: Are you playing the guitar? A: Gigitaraka?
Q: Is this your underwear? A: Jakeemoto?
Q: Are you annoyed already? A: Iniskanabane?
Q: You're crazy!!! A: Sirauromo!!!
Q: You're drooling!!! A: Turorawayka!!

FRENCH WORDS
Turn -- Le Coup
Liter -- Le True
Behind -- Le Could
Alms -- Le Mousse
Five -- Le Ma
Fly -- Le Pad
Skin Dirt -- Le Bag
Confused -- Le Tou
Cute -- A Coup
Cough -- U VOU
Ashes -- A VOU
Naked -- HU VOU
Car -- RE VOU
Baloon -- LO VOU
Dance -- MAM VOU
Sink -- LA VA VOU
Erap -- VO VOU

Lovelines through the years
1950s -- Iniirog kita.
1960s -- Iniibig kita.
1970s -- Minamahal kita.
1980s -- I love you.
1990s -- Tara sa kwarto.
2000s -- Pwede na rito.

Q: What COFFEE causes Breast Cancer?
A: KAPEpisil

Q: what COFFEE causes Breast Lumps?
A: KAPEpindot

Q: What COFFEE causes Vaginal Irritation?
A: KAPEpinger, SO AVOID COFFEE

A Girl's Story of SMB
Stroke My Butt
Suck My Boobs
Share My Bed
Shalalala Me Baby (9 months later)
Support My Baby
Dats SMB! Sarap Mo Baby!!!

VAGINAL WASH:
Girl 1: Ang gamit ko shampu, para laging madulas.
Girl 2: Ang gamit ko Fit, para laging ready to eat.
Girl 3: Ako Joy, sang patak, kaya ang sangkatutak.

A couple making love
Husband: Hon, ang kinis mo
Wife: Alaga sa lotion!
Husband: Sexy mo
Wife: Alaga sa aerobics!
Husband: Hon, bilog na bilog boobs mo
Wife: Alaga ng pare mo!

HUSBAND: Dear pinakita ko ang mga puting buhok ko sa dibdib ko. aprob agad ang SSS pension ko.
WIFE: Pinakita mo na rin sana bird mo para may dagdag-disability.

Man 1: My wife is crazy with cars. While asleep, holds my dick and says "Primera, Segunda".
Man 2: Mine is worse. While asleep, takes my dick and says "Full tank please."

Panty colors and what they symbolize:
White- Clean
Pink- Fragrance
Yellow- Sweet taste
Red- Meron
Black- Seductive
Brown- Dirty
Wala- Delicious

New Filipino Ligngo
1. aspect - pantusok ng yelo
2. backlog - bacon saka egg
3. beehive - magpakatino ka
4. cdrom - tingnan mo ang kwarto
5. city - bago mag-utso
6. cattle - doon nakatila ang hali at leyna
7. debug - ang ipis
8. dedicated - pinatay ang pusa
9. deduct - ang pato
10. defeat - ang paa
11. defense - ang bakod
12. defer - ang balahibo
13. deflate - ang plato
14. defrag - ang palaka
15. delusion - e di maluwag
16. depends - (see defense)
17. deposit - ang gripo
18. depress - nagkasal sa persuading (see persuading)
19. detail - ang buntot
20. detest - ang eksamin
21. devalue - ‘yon ang susunod sa letrang ‘V’
22. devastation - ‘dun sasakay ng bus
23. devote - ang boto
24. dilemma - brownout, a!
25. effort - ‘dun nagla-land ang efflane
26. forums - apat na kwarto
27. it depends - kainin mo ang bakod
28. july - nagsinungaling ka ba?
29. statue - ikaw ba ‘yan?
30. protestant - tindahan ng prutas.
31. predicate - pakawalan mo ang pusa
32. profit - patunayan mo
33. persuading - unang kasal
34. tenacious - sinusuot sa paa
35. thesis - ito ay
36. torpedo - takot manligaw
37. zoology - ang sayans ng pagtatahi

Women & Wine
at age 13-18: its like shandy;
19-25: champagne;
26-35: brandy;
36-45: whisky;
46-50: ginebra;
51-55: rubbing alcohol; and
56 & above: like formalin!

Text Messaging Short Cuts
TB - Text Back
TT - Text Tayo
TTLAKI - Text Tayo Later AKo Intay
KKLIIT - Kuripot Ka, Lagi Intay Ikaw Text
PUKIMO - Pag Uwi Ko I-text Mo ko, Okey?

Ito tunay na SMB..
Sama Mo Babae
Silip Mo Boobs
Suklay Mo Buhok
Salat Mo Butas
Sipsip Mo Biyak
Saksak Mo Btuta
Sakali Ma Buntis,
Suport Mo BATA!

Remigio Batungbacal - Remington Steel
Bienvenido Jurado - Ben Hur
Federico Hagibis - Federal Express
Eleoterio Ignacio - Electronic Ignition
Casimiro Bukaykay - Cashmir Bouquet
Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
Restituto Pruto - Tutti Frutti
Samuel Tampipi - Sam Sonite
Veneracion De Asis - Venereal Disease
Francisco Portero - Frank Furter
Diosdado Durante - Deo Dorant

Ito na lang ang bilhin mo signatures na signatures ang dating.
CK--------Cavite Kamiseta.
YSL-------Yari Sa Laguna.
UCB-------Under the Coconut tree in Baclaran.
DKNY------Divisoria Kanto Ng Ylaya.
RL--------Rizal sa Luneta.
At pag suot mo tong mga ito pare, pang GQ model ang dating mo sa magazines:
GQ------ Galing Quiapo ----------

Jude: Dad, macho na ba ako? May tattoo na ako sa dibdib!
Erap: Agila ba o Dragon?
Jude: Ah...Eh...Hello Kitty!

Totoo nga kaya na ang mga CUTE ay mahina sa sfeling and foor sa gramar?

My Gas! Did they sure? What does they proof? It is hurts to us... I don't believe these!!

SPEAKER: Who among you had experienced having sex with a ghost? (A farmer raised his hand)
SPEAKER: Really? How does it feel to have sex with a ghost?
FARMER: Ay akala ko goats!!!

Q: Anong celfone ng mga gumagamit ng viagra?
A: Nokaya

Q: Eh ng mga malibog?
A: Ericsyon

Q: Ng mga naninilip?
A: Boscho

Q: Ng mga nagbabasa ng tabloid?
A: Motoymola

POOH Family HISTORY:
papa: POOHLIS
Mama: POOHTA
Kuya: POOHSAKAL
Ate: POOHKPOK
Pet: POOHSA
Game: POOHSOY
Thats all POOHKS

12 Reasons Why Cellphones are better than women;
12. A Cellphone don't get mad if you wake it up suddenly.
11. A Cellphone wouldn't cost you so much if you pick it up often.
10. A Cellphone doesn't care how many other Cellphones you have had in the past.
9. You can go to sleep with 2 to 3 cellphones at a time.
8. A Cellphone doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
7. Once you turn it on, A Cellphone will stay turned on for days.
6. You can feel and try out a Cellphone before you take it home.
5. A Cellphone wouldn't get angry if you look up underneath it.
4. When you are done with a Cellphone you can just throw it away.
3. When in a party, a Cellphone doesn't get jealous around other Cellphones.
2. A Cellphone doesn't care if you watch TV or play with the computer all day.
1. A Cellphone doesn't get mad if you silence it while it's making a sound.

Top Reasons why Cellphone TEXTing is better than sex.
15. You can do it with your clothes on.
14. You can do it 24 hrs of a day, in almost any place.
13. You can usually find someone to do it with.
12. If you don't like what you see, you can just turn it off.
11. If you get tired, you can stop, save it, pick up where you left off.
10. You don't have to spend a lot and take her out.
9. After you do it 2 to 3 times, you don't feel tired at all.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a Text for the first time, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. You can do it, drink beer, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
4. You can do it even when you're far apart from each other
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
3. Sometimes, you can even have somebody else do it for you.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help

IF YOU HAVE ANY DEPOSITS TO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING BANKS- PAN ASIA, BANCO DE ORO, COCO BANK. PLS. WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IMMEDIATELY. THEY WILL MERGE AS ONE. THEY HAVE A NEW NAME NOW 'PANDECOCO'.

DID YOU KNOW THAT BROD MIKE VELARDE KICKED OUT ALL D GAYS FROM EL SHADDAI? THEY GOT MAD AND FORMED THEIR OWN "DIOSKODAI"

DENTIST: Hiwalay na tayo. Nagdududa na ang Mister mo.
BABAE: But I love you.
DENTIST: Sorry, sweetheart, ubos nang "alibi" mo. Isang NGIPIN na lang ang natitira sa iyo!

DERMATOLOGIST: Mam,Mukha yatang mahirap tanggalin tong mga wrinkles sa mukha mo...kulubot na ang mukha mo, your face is already sagging.
Lady: Mahilig kasi akong kumain ng saging eh!

AIZA - IQ - 135 Promil user till Age 5
RYAN - IQ - 140 Promil user till age 7
JINGGOY - IQ - UNSTABLE - Promil overdose
ERAP - LOW IQ - Promil user until now. Still no progress.

Master Bathing

The phone rings and the maid pick up the phone as her master is at the shower.
When caller the ask what is he doing?
The maid replied: "Masterbathing!"

What traffic rules best describe a woman's organ?
1. deep excavation
2. slippery when wet
3. men working
4. stop on RED signal, proceed when GREEN

Bading nasa meatshop...
BADING: Pabili nga ng 1 whole German sausage.
TINDERA:Chop-chopin ko na?
BADING:Wag!!! Anong kala mo sa pwet ko alkansya?!

Qualities of a good blowjob:
1) RELIGIOUS (lumuluhod)
2) JUDY ANN LOOK-A-LIKE (malaki panga)
3) SWIMMER (mahaba hininga)
4) BUNGAL (para hinde sabit ngipin)
5) MALAKI TENGA (para handy)
6) MALAPAD ULO (para patungan ng beer)

Cheap Style
WOMAN TO DOCTOR: Thank you for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect, the blood the pain and it only costs P50. How did you do it?/
DOCTOR: I tied your pubic hair together.

Sino Yon?
CONVICT: Father forgive me for I have sinned.
PRIEST: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
CONVICT: Father, pinapatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa Diyos. Kayo ba naniniwala sa kanya?
PRIEST: Sino yon?

During a press conference on morality...
Reporter: Sir, how many women do you believe must a man marry?
Erap: 16 !!!
Reporter: Why???
Erap: Because the priest says:
Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse.

LETS TALK ABOUT BOOBS:
WALA BOOBS --- WALANJO
MALIIT ANG BOOBS -- MEDJO
MALAKI ANG BOOBS -- MOUNTAINJO
SUPERLAKING BOOBS --- BAZOOKAJO
LAWLAW NA BOOBS --- OVERJO
BADING NA MAY BOOBS - REMEDJO

Reasons why Chinese came from Monkeys
Tsung GO
Mat CHING
Chim Pan SY
Orangu TAN
ONG guy

Gilok-gilok

DAGHANG LAMOK
Asawa: Di ko katog, daghan kaayong lamok. Iyota ko beh!
Bana: Unsay pagtuo nimo sa akong uten, Baygon?!


ANG KALAGAYAN

Si Juan, nga bisayang dako, miadto sa Manila. Pero paglabang niya sa karsada naligsan siya jeep mao nga nabali ang iyang paa. Sa hospital, gipangutana siya sa doctor, "Kumusta na ang kalagayan ninyo?"
Matod pa ni Juan, "Ang akong paa may nabali. Nganong ang akong lagay may imong gipangumusta?!"


SA SULOD SA SINEHAN

Si Bungol, si Libat ug si Buta nagsabot nga manan-aw sila ug sine kay wala pa gayud sila kasud ug sinehan sukad-sukad. Maong sa paglingkud nila sa sulod sa Vision Theater:
Bungol: (misyagit) Balik pulta, walay sound, walay sound hoy psssst!
Libat: (misyagit sab) Kuwadro! Kuwadro!
Buta: Hoy mga kolokoy! Wala pa gani magsugod!

GIPA-REGLAHAN

Si Buta, si Libat, ug si Bungi nakakita ug away. Gihingian sila sa mga estambay pero wa la man sila mohatag. Mao nga nakigsinumbagay ang tulo.
Buta: Mga talawan, ayaw mog panago
Libat: Tagsa-tagsa lang!
Bungi: Mahala nag mga mungi!

KANDILA

Usa ka madre nagpacheckup sa clinic. Pero nasayop ang laboratory kay nailisan iyang urine sample sa specimen sa babay nga mabdos.
Doctor: Sister, ang resulta sa imong test miingon nga mabdos ka.
Madre: Doctor, makamabdos diay nang kandila?

HOTDOG

Inahan: Nag-unsa man mo sa imong trato sa sulod sa imong lawak gabii, nga saba man mo kaayo? Puwerte ra bang singgit nimo og Kalami!
Rosario: Si mama sab uy. Wa man miy gibuhat nga dautan ba. Gipakaun lang ko niya og hotdog nga lami kaayo.
Inahan: Mao ba. Diay napkin opahiri na imong ngabil kay naay mayonnaise nga nahabilin

TIRAMID 500
Juan: Bay Pedro, guol kaayo ko. Mingaw na kaayo ko sa akong asawa nga milangyaw sa Amerika.
Pedro: Ang kinahanglan nimo, bay Tiramid 500.
Juan: Unsa nang Tiramid 500
Pedro: Tirahi imong maid. Bayrig 500.

Pagilok -gilok

Wi du da seym ting:

US NAVY-(chewing bubble gum) in United States those four sided parts
of the bread are not eaten.
FILIPINA-Why???
US NAVY-Well,We put it in a recycle bin and make biscuits from it and
send it to the Philippines.
FILIPINA-(medyo naasar) ahhh!!..wi du da seym ting!!(we do
the same thing)..
US NAVY-really??How??
FILIPINA-In the PHILIPPINES We do not throw USED CONDOMS.
US NAVY-Hah???Why?????
FILIPINA-We make bubble gums from those,and send it to
United States.
US NAVY-PWAAAAA!!!!(sabay luwa ng bubble gum).

By: perkzx (perkzx@yahoo.com )

Pa-gilok sa tingkoy! napud!

Women's Lib International Conference

The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband,Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast Lamb."

(The crowd cheered).

The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said,"After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day,I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day,I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well.

(The crowd again cheered).

The third speaker, a Filipino lady from Visayas, stood up and said, "Aftir lass year's kampirince, I win hum(went home) and tuld dat lazy husband op mines, Pidro, dat I was tro getting his slippers, kuking his meals ol da tyme, washing his undirwir and dat he was guing to hab to do dem himsilf.

(The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes).

She continued,"Aftir da first day, I see nating. Aftir da secun day,agin I see nating, but aftir da tird day, I could see a little bit out of my leff eye."