Berdeng Pagilok-gilok
Bisaya Engles
Ang ibang Bisaya, di ko maintindihan. Ang Ingles ng isda, pis. Ng mukha, pis. Ng payapa, pis. Pati pandikit, pis. Minsan may nagtanong sa akin kung saan ako nakatira kung sa Pis 1 daw ba o Pis 2. Piste talaga.
FLY CEBU PACIFIC: You Fly in CEBU and Land in the PACIFIC Ocean.
A Woman's Prayer
at 20- Lord, I want the best man.
at 30- Lord, I want any man.
at 40- Lord, please naman!!!!
ACCOUNTING TRANSLATION II
ENGLISH = TAGALOG
DATA ENTRY = Date muna bago pasok
ADJUSTING ENTRY = Hinanap muna bago pinasok
DEBIT ENTRY = Pinasok
CREDIT ENTRY = Hinugot
WRONG ENTRY = Napasok sa puwit
ACCOUNTING ENTRY = Pagbilang ng pasok
OFFSETTING ENTRY = Pasok-Hugot-Pasok-Hugot
CLOSING ENTRY = Panghuling pasok
BALANCING ENTRY = Babae and nasa ibabaw
BALANCE SHEET = Kumot/o sapin para sa Balancing Entry
MONTH END CLOSING = Meron
LOSS = Nilabasan ang lalaki
PROFIT = Napunta sa babae
INTEREST = Nabuo
INTEREST EARNED NOT COLLECTED = Nabuo pero di pa nanganganak
TRIAL BALANCE = Sa ibabaw and babae pero di pa pinapasok
BALANCE FORWARDED = Sa ibabaw and babae pero pinasok na
CLOSING BALANCE = Sinara na ang zipper
ZERO BALANCE = Malambot na
LIQUIDATION = Gumamit ng pampadulas
BANKRUPTCY = Ayaw nang labasan
CONSOLIDATION = Sabay nilabasan
Combo Meals:
SINGIT -- SINnangaG at ITlog
PWET -- Pinakbet With Ensaladang Talong
TINGIL -- TINortang Galunggong In Lard
FININGER -- FIsh Nuggets IN GingER sauce
TITI -- TInapay at TInapa
PUKE -- PUto with Keso
PAKANTUT -- PAnsit KANton with TUTsie roll
SALSAL -- SALmon with SALabat
TSUPA -- TSUkolate at PAndesal
PAKAPLOG -- PAndesal KAPe at itLOG
Mga Miss World Contestants:
3rd runner-up Miss Russia, Yarina Gustopa,
2nd runner-up Miss Hawaii, Dedeco Laylayna.
1st runner-up Miss Japan, Susumo Sinusuko.
The winner is Miss Korea, Fukiko Mikuto.
DIFFERENT KINDS OF COCKS:
Cute - COCKatuwa
Lousy - COCKainis
Large - COCKagana
Xtra Large - COCKasuka
Small - COCKapirangot
Sobrang small - COCKaduling!!!
Mga tipo ng babae habang nakikipag-sex:
Submissive - "Bahala ka na, ipasok mo na"
Enduring - "Aray! Sige pa, kaya ko pa."
Scandalous - "P*tangina mo, sige pa!"
Unsatisfied - "Ano ba `yan? Idiin mo pa kaya, `no?"
Mag asawa nag se-sex:
LALAKI: Bakit maluwag na ito?
BABAE: Paano diyan ko minsan kinukuha yong pambayad ng koryente, tubig, matrikula at pati na sigarilyo mo!
Husband telling house rules to wife: I WILL EAT WHEN I WANT TO EAT & COME HOME WHEN I WANT TO!
Wife: OK, BUT THERE WILL BE SEX at 7 PM WITH or WITHOUT YOU
boy guwapo + girl ganda = made in heaven
boy guwapo + girl panget = true love
boy panget + girl ganda = galing diskarte
boy panget + girl panget = no choice
Bride back from honeymoon crying:
Bride: Huhuuu...
Friend: Anong nangyari sayo?
Bride: Yung sa asawa ko parang bote.
Friend: E di okay! ang sarap non! ba't ka umiiyak?
Bride: Anong masarap?! Bote ng WHITE FLOWER!!!
TOP SEX MOVIES OF 1999:
1. Shaving Ryan's Private
2. GoFinger
3. Meet Blowjob
4. I Know Who U Did Last Summer
5. D Six Sex
6. NoTinggil
7. the Generals Did Her
Q: Is this your car? A: Otomoto?
Q: Is this my car? A: Otokoto?
Q: Is this your noodles? A: Mikimoto
Q: I'll take this. A: Kukuninkoto
Q: This is my desk. A: Itodesko
Q: Speechless? A: Wasabe?
Q: I have a lot of things to do A: Hironako
Q: An ampalaya (bittermelon)? A: Kurukurubot
Q: What are your thoughts? A: Kuru-kuromo?
Q: I am thinking. A: Munimuniko
Q: Are you playing the guitar? A: Gigitaraka?
Q: Is this your underwear? A: Jakeemoto?
Q: Are you annoyed already? A: Iniskanabane?
Q: You're crazy!!! A: Sirauromo!!!
Q: You're drooling!!! A: Turorawayka!!
FRENCH WORDS
Turn -- Le Coup
Liter -- Le True
Behind -- Le Could
Alms -- Le Mousse
Five -- Le Ma
Fly -- Le Pad
Skin Dirt -- Le Bag
Confused -- Le Tou
Cute -- A Coup
Cough -- U VOU
Ashes -- A VOU
Naked -- HU VOU
Car -- RE VOU
Baloon -- LO VOU
Dance -- MAM VOU
Sink -- LA VA VOU
Erap -- VO VOU
Lovelines through the years
1950s -- Iniirog kita.
1960s -- Iniibig kita.
1970s -- Minamahal kita.
1980s -- I love you.
1990s -- Tara sa kwarto.
2000s -- Pwede na rito.
Q: What COFFEE causes Breast Cancer?
A: KAPEpisil
Q: what COFFEE causes Breast Lumps?
A: KAPEpindot
Q: What COFFEE causes Vaginal Irritation?
A: KAPEpinger, SO AVOID COFFEE
A Girl's Story of SMB
Stroke My Butt
Suck My Boobs
Share My Bed
Shalalala Me Baby (9 months later)
Support My Baby
Dats SMB! Sarap Mo Baby!!!
VAGINAL WASH:
Girl 1: Ang gamit ko shampu, para laging madulas.
Girl 2: Ang gamit ko Fit, para laging ready to eat.
Girl 3: Ako Joy, sang patak, kaya ang sangkatutak.
A couple making love
Husband: Hon, ang kinis mo
Wife: Alaga sa lotion!
Husband: Sexy mo
Wife: Alaga sa aerobics!
Husband: Hon, bilog na bilog boobs mo
Wife: Alaga ng pare mo!
HUSBAND: Dear pinakita ko ang mga puting buhok ko sa dibdib ko. aprob agad ang SSS pension ko.
WIFE: Pinakita mo na rin sana bird mo para may dagdag-disability.
Man 1: My wife is crazy with cars. While asleep, holds my dick and says "Primera, Segunda".
Man 2: Mine is worse. While asleep, takes my dick and says "Full tank please."
Panty colors and what they symbolize:
White- Clean
Pink- Fragrance
Yellow- Sweet taste
Red- Meron
Black- Seductive
Brown- Dirty
Wala- Delicious
New Filipino Ligngo
1. aspect - pantusok ng yelo
2. backlog - bacon saka egg
3. beehive - magpakatino ka
4. cdrom - tingnan mo ang kwarto
5. city - bago mag-utso
6. cattle - doon nakatila ang hali at leyna
7. debug - ang ipis
8. dedicated - pinatay ang pusa
9. deduct - ang pato
10. defeat - ang paa
11. defense - ang bakod
12. defer - ang balahibo
13. deflate - ang plato
14. defrag - ang palaka
15. delusion - e di maluwag
16. depends - (see defense)
17. deposit - ang gripo
18. depress - nagkasal sa persuading (see persuading)
19. detail - ang buntot
20. detest - ang eksamin
21. devalue - ‘yon ang susunod sa letrang ‘V’
22. devastation - ‘dun sasakay ng bus
23. devote - ang boto
24. dilemma - brownout, a!
25. effort - ‘dun nagla-land ang efflane
26. forums - apat na kwarto
27. it depends - kainin mo ang bakod
28. july - nagsinungaling ka ba?
29. statue - ikaw ba ‘yan?
30. protestant - tindahan ng prutas.
31. predicate - pakawalan mo ang pusa
32. profit - patunayan mo
33. persuading - unang kasal
34. tenacious - sinusuot sa paa
35. thesis - ito ay
36. torpedo - takot manligaw
37. zoology - ang sayans ng pagtatahi
Women & Wine
at age 13-18: its like shandy;
19-25: champagne;
26-35: brandy;
36-45: whisky;
46-50: ginebra;
51-55: rubbing alcohol; and
56 & above: like formalin!
Text Messaging Short Cuts
TB - Text Back
TT - Text Tayo
TTLAKI - Text Tayo Later AKo Intay
KKLIIT - Kuripot Ka, Lagi Intay Ikaw Text
PUKIMO - Pag Uwi Ko I-text Mo ko, Okey?
Ito tunay na SMB..
Sama Mo Babae
Silip Mo Boobs
Suklay Mo Buhok
Salat Mo Butas
Sipsip Mo Biyak
Saksak Mo Btuta
Sakali Ma Buntis,
Suport Mo BATA!
Remigio Batungbacal - Remington Steel
Bienvenido Jurado - Ben Hur
Federico Hagibis - Federal Express
Eleoterio Ignacio - Electronic Ignition
Casimiro Bukaykay - Cashmir Bouquet
Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
Restituto Pruto - Tutti Frutti
Samuel Tampipi - Sam Sonite
Veneracion De Asis - Venereal Disease
Francisco Portero - Frank Furter
Diosdado Durante - Deo Dorant
Ito na lang ang bilhin mo signatures na signatures ang dating.
CK--------Cavite Kamiseta.
YSL-------Yari Sa Laguna.
UCB-------Under the Coconut tree in Baclaran.
DKNY------Divisoria Kanto Ng Ylaya.
RL--------Rizal sa Luneta.
At pag suot mo tong mga ito pare, pang GQ model ang dating mo sa magazines:
GQ------ Galing Quiapo ----------
Jude: Dad, macho na ba ako? May tattoo na ako sa dibdib!
Erap: Agila ba o Dragon?
Jude: Ah...Eh...Hello Kitty!
Totoo nga kaya na ang mga CUTE ay mahina sa sfeling and foor sa gramar?
My Gas! Did they sure? What does they proof? It is hurts to us... I don't believe these!!
SPEAKER: Who among you had experienced having sex with a ghost? (A farmer raised his hand)
SPEAKER: Really? How does it feel to have sex with a ghost?
FARMER: Ay akala ko goats!!!
Q: Anong celfone ng mga gumagamit ng viagra?
A: Nokaya
Q: Eh ng mga malibog?
A: Ericsyon
Q: Ng mga naninilip?
A: Boscho
Q: Ng mga nagbabasa ng tabloid?
A: Motoymola
POOH Family HISTORY:
papa: POOHLIS
Mama: POOHTA
Kuya: POOHSAKAL
Ate: POOHKPOK
Pet: POOHSA
Game: POOHSOY
Thats all POOHKS
12 Reasons Why Cellphones are better than women;
12. A Cellphone don't get mad if you wake it up suddenly.
11. A Cellphone wouldn't cost you so much if you pick it up often.
10. A Cellphone doesn't care how many other Cellphones you have had in the past.
9. You can go to sleep with 2 to 3 cellphones at a time.
8. A Cellphone doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
7. Once you turn it on, A Cellphone will stay turned on for days.
6. You can feel and try out a Cellphone before you take it home.
5. A Cellphone wouldn't get angry if you look up underneath it.
4. When you are done with a Cellphone you can just throw it away.
3. When in a party, a Cellphone doesn't get jealous around other Cellphones.
2. A Cellphone doesn't care if you watch TV or play with the computer all day.
1. A Cellphone doesn't get mad if you silence it while it's making a sound.
Top Reasons why Cellphone TEXTing is better than sex.
15. You can do it with your clothes on.
14. You can do it 24 hrs of a day, in almost any place.
13. You can usually find someone to do it with.
12. If you don't like what you see, you can just turn it off.
11. If you get tired, you can stop, save it, pick up where you left off.
10. You don't have to spend a lot and take her out.
9. After you do it 2 to 3 times, you don't feel tired at all.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a Text for the first time, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. You can do it, drink beer, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
4. You can do it even when you're far apart from each other
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
3. Sometimes, you can even have somebody else do it for you.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help
IF YOU HAVE ANY DEPOSITS TO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING BANKS- PAN ASIA, BANCO DE ORO, COCO BANK. PLS. WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IMMEDIATELY. THEY WILL MERGE AS ONE. THEY HAVE A NEW NAME NOW 'PANDECOCO'.
DID YOU KNOW THAT BROD MIKE VELARDE KICKED OUT ALL D GAYS FROM EL SHADDAI? THEY GOT MAD AND FORMED THEIR OWN "DIOSKODAI"
DENTIST: Hiwalay na tayo. Nagdududa na ang Mister mo.
BABAE: But I love you.
DENTIST: Sorry, sweetheart, ubos nang "alibi" mo. Isang NGIPIN na lang ang natitira sa iyo!
DERMATOLOGIST: Mam,Mukha yatang mahirap tanggalin tong mga wrinkles sa mukha mo...kulubot na ang mukha mo, your face is already sagging.
Lady: Mahilig kasi akong kumain ng saging eh!
AIZA - IQ - 135 Promil user till Age 5
RYAN - IQ - 140 Promil user till age 7
JINGGOY - IQ - UNSTABLE - Promil overdose
ERAP - LOW IQ - Promil user until now. Still no progress.
Master Bathing
The phone rings and the maid pick up the phone as her master is at the shower.
When caller the ask what is he doing?
The maid replied: "Masterbathing!"
What traffic rules best describe a woman's organ?
1. deep excavation
2. slippery when wet
3. men working
4. stop on RED signal, proceed when GREEN
Bading nasa meatshop...
BADING: Pabili nga ng 1 whole German sausage.
TINDERA:Chop-chopin ko na?
BADING:Wag!!! Anong kala mo sa pwet ko alkansya?!
Qualities of a good blowjob:
1) RELIGIOUS (lumuluhod)
2) JUDY ANN LOOK-A-LIKE (malaki panga)
3) SWIMMER (mahaba hininga)
4) BUNGAL (para hinde sabit ngipin)
5) MALAKI TENGA (para handy)
6) MALAPAD ULO (para patungan ng beer)
Cheap Style
WOMAN TO DOCTOR: Thank you for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect, the blood the pain and it only costs P50. How did you do it?/
DOCTOR: I tied your pubic hair together.
Sino Yon?
CONVICT: Father forgive me for I have sinned.
PRIEST: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
CONVICT: Father, pinapatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa Diyos. Kayo ba naniniwala sa kanya?
PRIEST: Sino yon?
During a press conference on morality...
Reporter: Sir, how many women do you believe must a man marry?
Erap: 16 !!!
Reporter: Why???
Erap: Because the priest says:
Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse.
LETS TALK ABOUT BOOBS:
WALA BOOBS --- WALANJO
MALIIT ANG BOOBS -- MEDJO
MALAKI ANG BOOBS -- MOUNTAINJO
SUPERLAKING BOOBS --- BAZOOKAJO
LAWLAW NA BOOBS --- OVERJO
BADING NA MAY BOOBS - REMEDJO
Tsung GO
Mat CHING
Chim Pan SY
Orangu TAN
ONG guy
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