You Might Be an E.R. Volunteer if...

  • your immune system attacks a dog crossing your front garden.

  • you have delusions of being an emergency doctor.

  • the EMS guys think your name is the Coffee Mate.

  • you tell the doctors and nurses that you don't get paid anything to do this and they look at you like you'r some kind of a freak.

  • your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.

  • the EMS guys refer to you as "the pain in the ass that got in my way when I was bringing in a code!"

  • your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

  • your favorite colors are green, white and red, even though you are not Italian.

  • your favorite thing is to take orders from medical students.

  • you have recurring nightmares about being knocked to the floor and run over by a portable X-ray machine.

    You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...

      your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

    • discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

    • you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

    • you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.

    • you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.

    • you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.

    • you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."

    • you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".

    • you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"

    • you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".

    • your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"

    Pa-gilok sa tingkoy!

    Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

    Has anyone seen my watch?
    That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
    Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
    Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?
    OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
    Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
    Come back with that! Bad Dog!
    Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
    Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
    If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
    Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
    Damn, there go the lights again...
    Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
    Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
    Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
    I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
    Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
    Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?
    What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
    What do you mean, he's not insured?
    This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
    Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
    Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
    What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
    I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
    Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
    That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?
    Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.
    Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?
    Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!
    FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!