You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...

your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

• 
  
discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

• 
  
you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

• 
  
you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.

• 
  
you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.

• 
  
you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.

• 
  
you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."

• 
  
you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".

• 
  
you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"

• 
  
you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".

• 
  
your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"