You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...

    your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

  • discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

  • you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

  • you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.

  • you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.

  • you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.

  • you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."

  • you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".

  • you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"

  • you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".

  • your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"

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